My heart if full, though refreshed. Been a while since I felt God dealing with me in such a way. I am finding a tenderness and a disposition that I am sure is beautiful to Him.
What a trying season we have been in and I am not afraid to admit it either. Wrestling with ourselves, dreams and wants, that in some way seem far from where we are now. Aiming towards a life that is pleasing to the Lord can be difficult at times, especially when you are not sure exactly how things will take shape or form.
Of course, you have the fundamental things to focus on in the mean time; loving your neighbor, exercising the fruit of the spirit, taking up your cross and following Jesus, none of these being exactly easy either.
What I have found to be true, in the midst of questions like "what, when, where, why and how", is to allow the Lord to give you himself. In other words, instead of a particular answer or list of how to's, you embrace Him as He is and allow Him to fill your need to know. Yes, I agree that there are times where one must press through and grab a hold of God for answers. But, in my experience, I have found that most of the time, He will simply say "worship me" or "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me" (Matt 11:29). This attitude is pleasing to Him because it demonstrates great trust in Him.
One of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis says, "I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?" Such a beautiful confession to the Lord. A declaration of confidences in Him. This kind of relationship can not be fabricated or copied from someone else. This heart that is bent on God´s personal word to be faithful and finish what He has started, is actually put into us by God himself, if we allow his dealings.
I hope that we (especially me) can allow the Lord to bring us to this place where he is enough. Where all our questions, fears, aspirations would "die away" in the face of Him. That yes, he would "suffice" and be our greatest thing (Phil 3:7...).
pjb.
